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(Lots of gay boys are titillated by jockstraps-but a closeted gay boy can collect 'em all without freaking out his mom.) We can't know whether your son is a cross-dresser, trans, or merely titillated, MISSCLEO, but he's clearly exploring and wants to do so privately. Your son may be a cross-dresser or he may be trans or he may find bras and panties titillating because women wear them and he wants to sleep with women (not be one). Take a deep breath, MISSCLEO, or take two-take however many you need until you're back in touch with your inner mom, the one who doesn't freak out. Mom In Sleepy South Carolina Lovingly Educates Offspring Is this just the same kid who has always been curious about sex? Or are these warning signs of some sort of sexual deviance? Please help. He is in every way a wonderful human: kind, smart, funny, athletic, no drugs. However, this is now something of a criminal/ethical concern, and I want to nip that in the bud. What on earth do I do? If I send him to a therapist and this is about being trans or cross-dressing tendencies, I'm afraid that will shame him. He says he doesn't know whose it is or how it got there, but this isn't my first rodeo. Today, I found a girl's bra in the laundry. I told him that if he wanted to explore, he needed to do that with a legal purchase and in the privacy of his own room. I asked: "Did you want them to masturbate with? Did you want to wear them?" He said he wanted to try them on. When I asked him why he stole them, he refused to tell me. I'm not the sort of mom who freaks out, but I made him put them back and talked to him about his actions. Then last year, I caught him trying to shoplift a pair of panties. I've always accepted that he is who he is and done my best to help guide and educate him. He has since remarried and is less involved.) That's the background.
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He went through a cross-dressing phase when he was small-mostly wanting to wear nail polish and try on mascara-and I felt like I navigated those waters pretty well, but his father made attempts to squelch those impulses. He was curious about sex from a very young age and very open with me, so his interest in sexual matters gave me ample opportunity to talk with him about safety and consent.