So was Dexter and Jack Bauer and House and Tony Soprano. She was a duplicitous megalomaniac whose self-indulgent, self-destructive antics knew no boundary. The writing for her character was so outlandishly inconsistent that you never knew which incarnation you were going to get from one season to the next.
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I walked away because I didn’t know how to see it?” Schecter 3:16 (Or How Jenny Schecter Saved My Life), by Heather Hogan “The first woman I ever loved told me that when you’re queer and Black, illness is a shadow that always follows you, but that no one ever acknowledges. So drunk was I on my own ability, that when depression descended - when getting out of bed required half an hour of mental brokering and the walk up to the field felt downright Herculean - I was entirely lost.” To Be Queer, Black, and “Sick”, by Helen McDonald To fall asleep and mentally recall the fence you repaired, the broccoli you transplanted, the pigs you tended, all in a day, is to feel grounded in your sense of self. I learned to fall in love with myself through my own capability. “Through farming I learned to mold my own badass identity from out of the grip of pubescent shame. Mine was foggy as day: I’d get straight As, be single forever, and my body would never work again.” Some Things Are Impossible: How A Rural Queer Lives With Depression, by Lila
At 19, everything seems potentially permanent and therefore terrifying - you’re between childhood and adulthood and clues shoot from all directions about what that adulthood might look like. “I’ve had major bouts of depression throughout my life for various reasons, but that first year at Michigan was the saddest and loneliest I’d ever been for no reason at all.
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“What if you opened the door and nothing was there? Why is there ever anything there to begin with? What if you always thought a floor was there but you were really just walking on powdered insect shells? Why are exoskeletons so shiny? Is skin just a soft, matte exoskeleton? Does the person-like thing lying next to you have real skin or just this soft matte exoskeleton?” Everything Hurts All The Time, by Riese “I’ve been listed on the news as a missing person and when I find out that there’s an entire police force, thirty men strong, combing the city in search of me, I am enraged - in my mind they’re careless and cruel, misguided and misinformed they are nameless, faceless antagonists in my struggle to rejoin the night.” Screaming/Not Screaming, by Laneia Jones (A+) Dust to Dark: The Colors of My Craziness, by RN I couldn’t even think about my gender identity. I was afraid harmless things, like street signs or trees, were trying to kill me. When I was at my worst, I couldn’t even think about my gender identity.
It’s only when I’m healthy that I pursue hormone replacement therapy and laser hair removal. When I was actively psychotic I never mentioned my desire to transition. Trans and Schizophrenic: When Diagnosis Impacts Transition, by Sam Ashkenas This often spirals into triggered dysphoria, and I’ll find myself wrapping my body up for days until I don’t realize that I am attached to it anymore. Sometimes I will see another body and be overcome with an anxiety that I am not as “good” at butchness as they are, not as sexy or confident, not as tough or lovable.
I too have felt like a catastrophe of a person, a catastrophe of a star, a catastrophe of emotions. Spurgeon English recounted that living with bipolar disorder “is like opening all my pores on a cold day and subjecting myself to catastrophe.” One patient in the study “Observation of Trends in Manic-Depressive Psychosis” by O.
Like being awake is lying Bipolar Disorder, Trans Dykes, and Celestial Catastrophe, by June Amelia Rose Like being awake is sleeping and being asleep is livingĢ4. The 200 Best Lesbian, Bisexual & Queer Movies Of All Timeįrom “Tongue Depressor #5” by Cameron Glavin, via Saturday Morning Cartoons 26 Things Depression Feels Like According To My Diary, by RieseĢ3.LGBTQ Television Guide: What To Watch Now.